Shape of You

We never put a marker on your grave, 

And now when I think of you

I cry because I don't remember the shape of my love for you

Or the shape that your mind felt like, pressing against mine

Your shape - your edges and curves and bends

The edges where you angered

The curves where you relented

The bends where you surprised

And the feeling of you. 

I lost the feeling of you. 

All I have left

Is a space under a tree

Where I think we put you

I know we put you there

I remember the shape

The earth made

A mound of soil of equal volume

To the shape of you beneath

And my eyes kept straying 

To how much the mound shrank and flattened

Disappeared slowly, a volume shrinking to nothing. 

A shape shrinking to nothing. 

Somewhere between then and now

The tree died too

And the patch of soil

The shape of it blurred

And lost its self. 

Now I say your name over and over

Conjuring a shape

Always a little different each time

I stuff memories together

Add their volumes to make a cumulative container

And I feel blindly along its edges

Maybe the sum of these parts will conjure a whole

And I can resurrect the shape of you. 

A Bit of Happy

You took a bit of my happy with you
But left me a bit of yours
Somewhere in between us two
They mingled - my happy and yours
They started with a shy-ish smile
That lengthened into a dance
And before you and I realized
They'd built up their own romance
You took a bit of my happy with you
But left me a bit of yours
It isn't enough - the bit that you left
But I'll take whatever I've got
It's a little bit sad - and a little bit raw
And a little bit broken inside
And although it's a happy - it mostly just wants
To curl up in a corner and hide
It needs more time to sharpen its edges
More time to slowly grow
More time to remember the whole of its bit
More time to feel and flow
More time to be more than just
What is left of you
Be a memory and not an absence
Be a presence, not an adieu
Be a comfort, and not an ache
Be a whole and not a hole
It just needs time - to find its way
And slip into its role
Someday soon I'll wake up and find
It shining bright as the sun
Its parts all laughter and love and light
Its awkward days all done
It will be only the light in your eyes,
And that darling backward glance
The wrinkles on the edges of your smile
The joy in your funny prance
The warmth of you, the hilarity
The love, the life, the glee
Your happy will grow in time I know
And always be with me
While mine I wrapped you tightly in
Is already lost beneath
It shrank with you, and stilled with you
Stripped down to its bones and teeth.
You took a bit of my happy with you
But left me a bit of yours
Mine is gone, but yours will grow
And laugh enough for ours.